


I Met You In the Dark, You Lit Me Up

by orphan_account



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Depressive Episode, Fluff, M/M, Texting, excessive use of the word baby, i'm bad at tagging ???, phone screenshots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 09:07:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9377903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: And, maybe he also didn’t want to tell him because he saw how Isak looked at him like he hung the moon and the stars and he was scared that if he did tell him, Isak would just look at him like everybody else did, with pity.Once he opened up to Isak, his fuck ups would be palpable. And like, he knew that it was only fair to Isak to give something back, but he was too fucking scared. Besides Isak had to handle enough stress with his family, and him, and school. He didn’t want to burden him with even more fuck ups.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DarkBeauty_890](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkBeauty_890/gifts).



> okay so,,,, this is not how i usually write and that's why it's kinda weird for me to post this??? but i wanted to be ~cool~ and post some sort of following the week like they do in skam so this is the result
> 
> thank you to [DarkBeauty_890](http://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkBeauty_890/pseuds/DarkBeauty_890) for beta reading, that's why,,, you get this one as a gift

**Mandag 06.03.17 kl. 19.10**

 

Isak trusted him with everything. And Even knew that one day he had to repay his trust by giving something back. And he knew that Isak _was_ curious about what happened at Bakka, and that sooner or later Isak _would_ find out about it, no matter what.

 

But Even also knew that he wasn’t ready to talk about it just yet, especially when even thinking about it felt like ten thousand knives stabbing him in the back; he wasn’t sure what telling Isak would do to him.

 

And, maybe he also didn’t want to tell him because he saw how Isak looked at him like he hung the moon and the stars and he was scared that if he did tell him, Isak would just look at him like everybody else did, with pity.

 

Once he opened up to Isak, his fuck ups would be palpable. And like, he knew that it was only fair to Isak to give something back, but he was too fucking scared. Besides Isak had to handle enough stress with his family, and him, and school. He didn’t want to burden him with even more fuck ups.

 

But when Isak looks up, with his concentrated teeth-biting-tongue look, and he still manages to smile at him, Even’s heart cracks a little.

 

_He deserved to know_.

 

_And okay_ , Even decided, _I’m gonna tell him. Not right away, but I will, because I love him, and he deserves to know and it’s going to be okay. I went outside naked and he still looks at me like that and it’ll be okay._

 

“You look all worried.” Isak gets up and sits down on Even’s lap, straddling his legs around Even’s waist.

 

“I’m good,” Even answers and strokes some of Isak’s curls out of his face. “You shouldn’t wear snapbacks so often.”

 

“I am _not_ wearing them that often?” He says, offended and Even has to laugh.

 

“No, of course not. You never wear snapbacks; I must be talking about a different Isak Valtersen, my bad. Oh. Did I end up in the wrong universe?”

 

“Wrong universe, my ass. But okay, let’s see what we can do about not wearing snapbacks that often anymore.” Isak smiles and Even’s heart might also explode, because _like_. That is too much. Too cute.

 

“That’s nice. You’re so nice.”

 

“I get paid, you know. I have to be nice.” Isak grins widely and Even pinches his arm in retaliation.

 

“Stop that.” He pulls Isak closer to him and presses his lips onto Isak’s, parting them almost immediately.

 

“I have to-” Isak takes a deep breath and pulls away. “finish this stupid biology assignment or Sana is gonna kick my ass so hard you won’t be able to do like- anything with it. At all.”

 

Even laughs. He likes how comfortable Isak has already gotten with his sexuality. “We do not want to risk that. Do we?”

 

“Of course we don’t?” Isak’s eyes widen. “I’m like 99.9% sure my ass needs you.”

 

Even facepalms, then breaks into an incredulous fit of laughter. “First of all, you did not just say that? And secondly, what the fuck? What’s with the missing 0.01%?”

 

“That’s the percentage of independency I still have left from you,” Isak shoots back and holds his stomach. “No seriously, I was just kidding.”

 

He sits down on the floor again, continuing his part of the assignment. Even watches him carefully. “Isn’t that like... incredibly uncomfortable?”

 

He furrows his brows, holding his head to one side.

 

“Where else should I be doing my schoolwork?” Isak questions, looking around his room. “It’s not like I have infinite amount of space in my room.” He grins and then adds, “and you’re taking up a lot of that space, too.”

 

“Then I’ll just, you know, go home, sleep in my own bed, give you some of your _space_ back.” Even shrugs his shoulders and Isak jolts up, jamming the door to prevent Even from escaping.

 

“I was just kidding,” Isak whispers and Even smiles that smile that makes his eyes crinkle just a bit, pulling Isak in a hug.

 

“I know, baby.” It’s amazing how Isak can go from beaming with self-confidence to insecurity within .01 seconds and it _hurts_ Even, because this boy? This boy should never be insecure about anything in his whole damn life.

 

Isak’s abandonment issues had been severe before he met him, Even _knows_ that, because he can read the signs (and they don’t just start suddenly, obviously), but it’s gotten a lot worse. Isak mostly wakes up startled in the morning, always looking at Even’s side to reassure himself that he’s still lying next to him. Even wishes he knew a way to like, _make sure_ Isak never has feelings of abandonment ever again.

 

“What do you think,” Even trails along Isak’s collarbone, “about you finally fucking finishing that fucking assignment,” he places a soft kiss in Isak’s neck, “and then we take a long shower?”

 

Isak hums. “That sounds like the best idea you had in _weeks_ ,” he exaggerates and Even pecks his lips and then goes back to Isak’s personal laptop.

 

“I can close your porn on this, right?”

 

Isak looks up in horror. “I haven’t…”

 

Even can’t keep a straight face anymore and bursts into a laughter. “Fuck.”

 

“What do I need porn for when I have you? You’re better than like- every porn I’ve ever seen.”

 

Even clicks his tongue. “And I bet you’ve seen a shit ton of porn.”

 

Isak rolls his eyes.

 

“Also, are you really comparing me to porn videos?”

 

Isak groans. “Nei, fy faen. Don’t take everything I say so seriously.”

 

Even snickers. “You do, baby. I am not taking anything serious right now.”

 

***

 

**Tirsdag 07.03.17 kl. 16.20**

  
***

 

**Onsdag 08.03.17 kl. 01.30**

 

Whenever Even couldn’t fall asleep properly; his thoughts would spiral down, mind expecting him to fall into his next episode. This time though, he wasn’t sure if it was _that_ kind of sign or just the plain feeling of _being alone_.

 

He turns around in bed, once–twice–he stops counting after a while and gets up, rubbing his eyes. He gets his sketchbook and sits down on his windowsill and starts to draw. He feels his limbs getting heavier with every passing minute. He yawns and takes a look at his phone.

 

02:50.

 

He puts away his stuff and stretches, before climbing back up to his bed. He sends a short message to Isak, “ _Attempt clearly failed_ ” and covers himself up to his nose. He thinks about Isak’s warm body close to his own and wonders how Isak even stays warm. Even steals the whole blanket all the time.

 

And then he wonders how on earth did he even deserve that beautiful soul.

Isak was so full of love, and he cared for Even in a way that was so endearing and straight up; never feeling like Even’s illness was an obligation, or like something he _had_ to deal with because he just happen to fell in love with someone who was bipolar, but because he decided to deal with it. And the way he dealt with it was amazing; never undermining Even’s feelings.

 

And the best part of it all was that Even loved the way he took care of him, and made sure he had taken his meds, and yes; even the times Isak told him not to smoke and drink. Isak had even decided to cut back too.

 

Even almost always told him that he should go and drink, that _it’s okay, he’s fine,_ but Isak just shrugged it off and stood by him both in the literal and figurative sense.

 

He kind of liked getting used to this, to being an own person with an own, very valid opinion but also with someone who looked out for him.

 

***

 

**Onsdag 08.03.17 kl. 11.53**

 

Lunch break means finally getting to see Isak.

 

Even has been looking forward to this since the moment he woke up.

 

They haven’t even been apart for 24 hours but it felt a hell of a lot longer to Even. Isak is sitting with his friends at their usual table and waves Even to him. He kisses him short and sweet and sits down next to Isak.

 

He greets the others and places his hand on Isak’s thigh, leaning close to Isak’s head. “I fucking missed you last night.”

 

Isak grins widely. “That’s good.”

 

Even pouts because Isak is a fucking tease. Can’t he just like- tell him that he didn’t enjoy their time apart too?

 

“I missed you too, you know? It’s mutual,” he whispers back. _There it is_ , thank you very much.

 

“Everything about you lovebirds is mutual, faen.” Magnus rolls his eyes at Jonas’s comment and shoves him.

 

“What?” Jonas shrugs his shoulders, furrowing his brows.

 

Isak and Even zone out of the conversation.

 

“Let them be! At least there’s one happy couple in our group.”

 

Even kisses Isak’s temples, receiving a content sigh at the small gesture and Isak leans closer towards Even. Normally, they don’t really show off at school, but Even had just missed Isak so much he can’t _stop_ himself. But then they realise what Magnus just said and-

 

Isak and Even stop nuzzling their noses and turn their heads towards Magnus.

 

“You and Vilde broke up?”

 

Isak is the first one to jump on Magnus’s comment and Magnus nods. “Yeah well, it didn’t work out. It’s okay.”

 

Even puts his hand in Isak’s neck, absentmindedly playing with his hair. “I just—” he starts and Isak laughs a little, looking at him intensely.

 

“You just what, baby?”

 

Even hated being called baby in public. Not because it was like. _Embarrassing_ or anything, because it wasn’t, but Isak knew damn well what that did to him.

 

He clears his throat. “I just—um, I—” Clearing his throat again, just in case, “just realised you’re not wearing a beanie or a snapback.”

 

“And because of that I had to spend like, 30 minutes longer because the curls just fucking didn’t want to do what I wanted them to do,” he grits and Even smiles widely.

 

“Aww,” he coos. “You love me so much.”

 

Isak rolls his eyes. “No.” Then he pinches his arm. “You’re just really fucking good in bed.”

 

The others stop mid-sentence and look at them with eyes widened almost creepily. “Did he just—” Jonas snorts and shakes his head in disbelief.

 

“And you’re nice. And charming. And your kisses, damn, they’re turning the world off of its axis—” Isak continues, looking Even straight in the eyes, while stroking Even’s thigh up and down under the table.

 

“Woah, okay, Isak. Chill.”

 

Even takes a deep, shaky breath. The words in addition to Isak fucking caressing his thigh and just like- going near his cock. That's too much and he jumps up. “I need to,” he croaks, “ummm—English. I have English now.”

 

Isak smirks. “See you at home.”

 

***

 

**Onsdag 08.03.17 kl. 12.50**

  


 

***

 

**Torsdag 09.03.17 kl. 07.10**

 

“Wake up,” Even whispers and places a kiss on the corner of Isak’s mouth. “We’re gonna be late for school.”

 

“Mmmm only ten more minutes, Ev.” He cuddles closer to Even, placing his head on Even’s chest. “You’re so warm and cozy. I don’t wanna get up,” he mumbles and it seems like he’s trying to cuddle _into_ Even, as if that somehow would help.

 

“You’re always so freaking hot,” Isak says and yawns. “I mean, like. Your skin. Whenever I touch you, it’s like you’re burning. You’re the perfect oven.”

 

Even laughs, gently stroking Isak’s hair out of his face. He immediately knew that Isak was going to wear a snapback today. “Nice to see what you need me for.”

 

Isak coughs. “I’m sick.”

 

“You’re not sick.” Even rolls his eyes and pulls Isak up. “Come on, you really need to get ready for school.”

 

Isak looks at Even, realising that he was already fully dressed. “When did you get ready?”

 

“Right after my alarm clock went off, babe. That’s this thing that usually wakes you up in the morning, when your perfect boyfriend isn’t like, around or anything.”

 

Even fell back into his thoughts, and yeah, he didn’t sleep much, but he didn’t want Isak to worry. He took his meds on time always, and he was feeling a little numb because of them and they wore him out a little, but he wasn’t feeling anything _out of the usual_.

 

“Did you take your meds?” Isak asks right on cue, simultaneously brushing his teeth and trying to don his shirt. Surprisingly he succeeds without his shirt getting any toothbrush strains.

 

“Sure,” Even answers and sighs.

 

Isak walks back to the bathroom, and then rushes back to Even, going on tiptoes a little and pecks his lips. “I’m sorry. It’s like—”

 

“It’s okay.”

 

***

 

**Fredag 10.03.17 kl. 22.10**

 

Isak decided to go out with his boys and while he asked Even to come along and join them, he thankfully passed and decided to just wait at Isak’s.

 

“But I don’t know how long I’ll be.” Isak said when he was about to head out and Even nodded.

 

“That’s okay, Isak. I’ll be just fine.”

 

He lies down on Isak’s bed and contemplates whether to play some video games or watch a movie.

 

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. The last month and a half have been overly _positive_ and he didn’t once felt like he was slipping, but now he could feel himself spiral down and it was out of his fucking control.

 

He didn’t want to. He wanted to be strong and _independent_ , sort of. And he didn’t understand why it had to be now, and it frustrated him that it obviously didn’t fucking matter if he took his meds right on time or not of he’s still going to spiral down.

 

He lets out another breath, trying to concentrate on his breathing instead of anything else.

 

 

Slowly, Even drifts into a light sleep and wakes up startled when he feels the mattress sink next to him. “It’s just me, baby.” Even smiles sleepily and grabs Isak’s hand.

 

“Mmm,” he whispers, “you didn’t have to come.”

 

Isak gets off his clothes hastily and lies down next to Even. “I know I didn’t, but I wanted to.”

 

Even scoots close and places his head on Isak’s chest. “Boyfriend of the Year.”

 

Isak smiles and strokes Even’s hair incessantly, slowly fading to sleep.

 

***

 

 

**Lørdag 11.03.17 kl. 10.29**

 

He opens his eyes reluctantly, shyly looking to his left. Isak was leaning against the wall, playing with his phone.

 

“I’m sorry,” Even croaks and scoots up a little.

 

“What for, Even?” Isak asks, irritatedly furrowing his brows. “There’s nothing you need to apologise for.”

 

“There is.” Even says weakly, and sits up entirely. “You had to bail on your friends, because I can’t be normal.”

 

Isak scoffs. “Fuck you, Even.” It comes off a lot harsher than Isak intended. “You _are_ normal. You are perfectly normal. It’s not like. You chose any of that. It’s okay. I love you. For everything that you are and I hate that you don’t—mmm don’t really believe me when I tell you that I chose you, and that I’ll always choose you. Over and over again. With any mental illness. Always. I chose you and I decide to choose you every morning. And I’ve never felt better with any of my life choices.”

 

Isak takes another deep breath. “Because I’m so fucking in love with you, okay? I’m so in love with every part of you. With your creative mind and with the way you tilt your head, or clench your jaw. I fucking fall for you every day all over again because you blow my mind. You’re so fucking good.”

 

Even closes his eyes, letting the words sink in. It feels so good to hear that. “Can you write that down, please?” he asks and he only does because he knows, he has to read this. All over again. When he feels better. And when he can actually believe it. And he definitely wants to read it again when he feels down.

 

“I want to imprint it in your brain.” Isak’s voice is nothing but a whisper. He decides to do what Even asked him to.

 

“But I also really want to kiss you,” Isak whispers and the corners of Even’s mouth twitch a little in an attempt to smile. “Like- I’m desperately craving your lips.”

 

And then they kiss for what seems like forever and the weight on Even’s chest lifts a little and the clouds suddenly disappear a bit, and there’s some shiny sun peeking out, and a blue sky and _maybe_ , Even thinks, Isak is right.

 

He chose him. He had to put his trust in Isak.

 

***

 

**Søndag 12.03.17 kl. 16.16**

 

His thoughts were the most excruciating part of his depressive episodes. The feeling that he didn’t belong, and that no one _truly_ cared about him, and they tightened around him like a sailor’s knot. And some days, Even thought he’d finally loosened that knot, just to feel it tighten around him even more.

 

_He hated it_.

 

He hated for Isak to see him like this, and yet there was a comfort he couldn’t quite describe. Isak had seen him at his best, and his worst and he was _still_ around. Even couldn’t believe his luck.

 

_He hated it_.

 

He hated it to see his world fall apart, crash and burn and there’s nothing he can do. He hated to see the pieces of what once was his world and not being able to put them back together, like a puzzle with too many missing pieces.

 

And he hated that, even though he loved Isak so so fucking much, Isak quickly became the most important piece in that puzzle. Because, what happened if? Just one day, maybe Isak won’t decide to choose him. It’s not like that was in his hands, in his control, it wasn’t like he could control any of it.

 

A silent tear falls down his face and he wonders when he started crying.

“Baby,” Isak winces and carefully wipes the tears away.

 

“I’m so,” he throws his hands up, trying to find the right words, “fucking exhausted.”

 

Isak nods, “I know.”

 

“How can you. Be here with me all the time? I’m awful.” Even doesn’t know where he takes the strength to talk at all, and every word wears him out terribly.

 

Isak ponders, and then pulls Even up and tugs him in a hug. Even clings onto Isak’s shoulders. “You’re anything but awful, Even. You’re thoughtful, and inspiring. You go through highs and lows in a way—mmm, in a way many wouldn’t.”

 

He stretches his back and makes himself a little more comfortable, makes it a little more comfortable for both of them. “Like. I’m just so proud to just be with you? You make me all wobbly, and yeah, sometimes you drive me crazy, but never- _Never_ in a way that I’m not comfortable with. You make me weak and strong, if that makes sense? Like. woah I don’t know, Even. I can be my truest self with you. You never judge. You always listen.”

 

“I don’t,” Even mumbles and points at this exact situation. “In a moment like this, when I can’t get out of bed for two weeks straight, I don’t.”

 

“Baby.” Isak’s voice is barely above a whisper. “Minute by minute, remember. This minute, I want you to just concentrate on my heartbeat, okay?”

 

Even nods and places his head on Isak’s chest, Isak covering them with his bedsheet. And Even just listens and- he doesn’t know how Isak does it. To always find the right idea to calm him.

 

And when he shuts everything out and just listens to Isak’s heartbeat, the dullness starts to finally fade and when he looks close enough, he can see colors again.

**Author's Note:**

> nei, fy faen = no, holy shit/holy fuck/damn/bloody hell  
> faen = fuck/damn/shit/hell
> 
> okay so i hope you enjoyed this week with Even Bech Næsheim, leave kudos or comments (any feedback is amazing tbh) if you did or hook me up on [tumblr](http://softestisak.tumblr.com) thank you very much <333


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